I have come to the conclusion that I, Heather Redd, can make a grown man cry and feel like dirt. >_>
Thursday, I finally got to see Roy after a week. We met in the library and studied for the math placement test. He's worried, and beating himself over it. He doesn't think he can pass, therefore delaying graduation, and getting that scholarship to William Paterson University.
I kept my distance from him the entire time, and he asked me if it was over between us. I said I didn't want it to be, but things change and people change. He asked if he was the one that changed, and I replied srcastically, "No, I'VE changed."
We went out for lunch, then we stopped at Wal-mart. I talked to a friend of mine there named Erin who had her 6 month old daughter with her, and they were sitting at the Dunkin Donuts inside the Wal-mart. Erin noticed Roy, and asked if he was my husband, or boyfriend. I laughed and shook my head, then showed her my ring. "No, we're engaged." It was funny.
I stopped home to take care of the dogs, and then we went to Barns and Noble so I could use one of my gift cards Aunt Missy's mom gave me. I bought a "How to make your own manga" book, and number 11 of FMA. We went back to school, and agreed to meet the next morning after my final exam.
Next morning, I finished the exam, and went to the library to see Roy again. We talked about the placement test, and I told him he just needed to practice the problems and study hard for monday--we decided to take the test together. We went to ShopRite, and I picked up two checks which were deposited in the bank. We went back to school, and I noticed a trail I didn't see before. He parked his car in the upper lot, and right across from said trail. We walked the path to the condemned chapel up the hill (My college used to be a school for priests). We sat on the steps, and then it began.
I told him previously that my friends advised me to keep me distance from him, and that temporarily he'd have to sit alone again. He asked if we couldn't talk anymore like we used to, and all I said was, "Well, we can still say Hi to each other..." And he looked down, hair covering his face. I talked of how I still wanted to be his friend, and how I still wanted him in my life, regardless. He asked if it was really over...I said, "Well, this is what you wanted, you made that clear last week."
I said some more things, then looked to him. I asked if he was ok, and he shook his head no. I told him he should be happy that I'm not in his life so much anymore, that I was doing this for HIM. For US. He looked up at me finally...
...and there was tears streaming down his cheeks, looking like the most pitiful and miserable man I had ever seen in 20 years of my life. At first, I thought "Oh, shit..." Then I felt...good...that he was crying. It FINALLY got to him that he screwed up!
And we held onto each other, crying. He said he didn't want that, he didn't want to be ignored and alone again. He needed me in his life now, he couldn't go back to life without me. We kissed each other's tears away, and I said I didn't want this either...and I said I will always love him, no matter what. And he said, "As will I."
Then there came the BIG kiss...
...And the SUN came out of the clouds, and shone on us AND the church. Really, ya'll KNOW I can't make this shit up for the LIFE of me! I need my fucking CAMERA!! >_<
And then I asked, "We kissed in front of a church, are we married now?"
And he said, "I suppose so...looks at us...we're really a pair, crying like this."
We held hands all the way down the path, and got coffee at the DD in Wal-mart. I asked if we we're gonna be ok. And he said yes.
I'll see him again Monday morning for the placement test. This'll be the end of the first chronicle...and the beginning of another. I'm just glad he finally realized what he did to me was serious, and he almost lost me for it.